Greg Kretschmar

Greg Kretschmar

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The Meeting Faces of Kelly Brown: An Emotional Rollercoaster Ride

Another week, another meeting. Another chance to watch the ever changing face of Kelly Charles Brown III.

He's an anomaly. An aberration, but of the best kind.

He's a chameleon. And watching his face over the course of an hour is like taking ride on a swift river, with brilliant scenery passing by every moment.

It's emotional, and for some - it can tingle their loins.

Here's some of the sights I beheld in our latest meeting.... with captions...

I call this one: "And if I hit THIS button, I see BOOBIES".

I mean - just look at him! The wonder and excitement, with the slightly crooked glasses - it all reeks of "I'm almost there!!!".

I call this next one....

"Are you f***ing kidding me?"

This is the look you never want to be on the receiving end of because Kelly Brown, while gentle and beautiful - can also strike like a cobra. And he doesn't just go for your veins with his venomous bite. If you insult his considerable intelligence- Kelly Brown will sink his fangs into your eyeballs and suck em out of their sockets.

Be warned, people. KBIII does not suffer fools. Proceed at your own risk.

Of course....two minutes later, he be like...

"Nappy McNapFace".

He says he's not sleeping. But he is full of shit. He's out. Roadkill teabagged him and he never moved. The man was out cold.

Next!

I call this one: "Fartus Expulsus".

A team of scientists determined that the best way to expel gas from your body is by leaning back and a chair, and slowly pushing it out using your diaphragm. Kelly champions this method, and uses it several times a meeting. This one cleared the left side of the table.

And last but not least - this one is one I simply titled:

"The Smell Lingers".

And I will leave it to your imagination as to what that refers to. (If you have dirty thoughts- don't blame me, you sicko!)

Five minutes later -

"Down For the Count".

He's out cold again.

Such is The Life of Kelly Brown.

And - the encore is sure to produce mass ovulation across the land - so ladies and gents- feast your eyes on this....

Humbly submitted,

Greg Kretschmar

Photographer in Residence, 2022


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