When Did Coffee Become a Science?

I love coffee. And what I'm about to say isn't a criticism - it's just an obseravation.

My daughter and I went into the awesome coffee shop in Dover last week to grab a cup. We both love the place. I ordered what I normally do - medium regular, leave some space for a little cream. She ordered something with a name I can't pronounce.

Uh, ok- whatever. She knows her stuff- and likes that kind of thing. Me? Just a coffee thanks. It doesn't have to come from the deepest darkest jungles of anywhere, or be filtered through 3000 threadcount Athabascan Chiffon, or the leaves of a 200 year old oak tree or some other seemingly superfluous nonsense. Just put the coffee in the cup and let me throw a splenda in it with a little cream and Im good.

Again - not a criticism of those who like that - it's just not me.

So we wait for the cup to be made. Apparently it's got to be filtered into a flask that I'm pretty sure I used in my high school chemistry class. Or, maybe by Walter White in that piece of shit RV he used in Breaking Bad- who knows? So we're sitting there, and waiting, and waiting, and waiting. Now, this place is NOT slow. That's just how long it takes to make THIS cup my daughter as ordered. And as we wait, i took the photo you see on this page.

Is it just me, or does it look like a friggin LABORATORY? It's both impressive and puzzling to me. I don't think I ever noticed before because I'm usually in - get my cup and I'm out. But while I was waiting, I watched.

I sat there thinking - "when did coffee become such a science?". I mean - who said "You know, if we brew it over the bones of ancient wooly mammoth, and then strain it through the finest silk paper towels, and THEN - pour it over dry ice infused crystals.....THEN it will really taste spectacular!!!!"

When did that happen?

When did someone say - "Hey man, can you draw a cool little design of some leaf into the froth of the coffee you just boiled to a foamy head for me?" - Really! WHO ASKED FOR THAT?

Hey - you do you, bro. Whatever makes you happy, and if you love it, then you go get it. And god bless the places thanks make it for you.

But it's a mystery to me.

Maybe it's a function of age, or maybe I'm not sophisticated enough. It's like some coffee folks wanted there coffee to be as sophisticated as wine is, or something. I don't know -

But here's what I DO know -

I LOVE coffee. Yes, I may indeed be a simpleton, but I like what I like. Give me a regular, or a simple flavored coffee (french vanilla, caramel, hazelnut, pumpkin spice, and coconut are a few I've ordered from to time), give me a little cream, and maybe a splenda (keep your raw sugar, or your Antaldeluvian Organic Sugar that was mined from the dung filled fields of Bora Bora. Oh, and Truvia - keep that too - it tastes like shit)- and I'll be on my way.

You want the fancy stuff, boiled, steamed, brought here on wooden boats by dudes who have done it that way for hundreds of years, filtered through the guano of bats that eat nothing but the carcasses of dead animals -

YOU DO YOU, man. I'm all for it. You drink it and love it as much as I do my version.

But it's still a mystery to me.

I just try to remember when something so simple became so complicated....

And I have no f***ing idea...

Haha -

g

Greg Kretschmar

Greg Kretschmar

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