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Andy Blacksmith

Why The Black Keyes Suck Ass!

 
Why The Black Keyes Suck Ass!

The Black Keys are two nerdy art school types who studied the human soul in music intensely in hopes of one day pretending that they possess soul in their own music. Everything in their music is lifeless and dull and made with a mathematical precision completely devoid of passion or the soul of those they try so hard to imitate.

Quick! Take a
picture of me fixing my tie. Quick! Catch my beard before it quits my face
because I suck too much ass.

Even on their first few albums (which Black Keys fans will tell you are 'better' if you don't like their new stuff) you could hear the utter lack of any emotional depth. Recording in low-fi was
merely a calculated move to sound soulful and passionate (like old blues records). Many fell for it and as soon as their popularity grew, in came the slick manufacturing of their albums and videos. They are marketers and publicists before they are blues musicians.

Truth is, I never liked them. I suppose they're good at making non-pop pop music but it still stinks like gangrene to me. Maybe that's the problem. It's pop music dressed up as indie or underground or whatever white hipster intellectuals want to call it to get as close to African American roots music as they can without having to listen to it. It's pop music with fuzzy
sounding guitars. It ain't special. It still has the emotional range and depth of a Britney Spears concert. I'm not saying all music has to be more than pop music, I'm just saying can't we all stop pretending that it isn't? Fuzzy guitars do not a good song make.

If you really want soulful blues music listen to Aldous Snow's "African Child".

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